Best/Worst Starts, CMS BoxMuncher, Everton Hawkeyes, Grand Rapids Skunk Titties, Jake From State Farm, Terra Verde, The Dogs, Week 1

Best and Worst Starts of Week 1

This weekly writeup is about those types of players who could have easily been on the bench, but played a critical role in a victory, or those that dropped an egg for a team when they could have really used a good performance. There will be no praising of Julio Jones’ 29 points because of course he was in for the Bald Turkeys. Nor will we include a guy like Greg Olsen for getting hurt. These are guys that are reasonably iffy starts, where either the right or wrong decisions were made. Here we go:

Best Starts of week 1:

Kenny Stills – Kamp: He may have only had 4 catches, but Kenny Stills still (pun intended) went for over 100 yards and two touchdowns on his way to 27.6 points. It is a little unfair since he had over 7 hours to achieve these goals, but I digress. Kamp could have started Jamison Crowder in his slot and no one would have blinked an eye, but since he made the right decision to start Stills, he had a much easier time convincing himself that Julio Jones doesn’t exist. Stills played well enough to get Kamp an early lead before Jacob’s improbable comeback (more on that later). We can safely assume that the Stills jersey is on his way to Holland as we speak.

Dion Lewis– Ben: Peyton Barber was the hot story heading into week one because Ronald Jones had quite possibly the worst preseason in the history of the NFL. Ben was able to avoid the temptation and play Dion Lewis, who was in a time share to start the year. He certainly could have dokk’d out on this one and made the wrong choice, but he stuck to his guns and Dion gained him 22 points compared to Barber’s 6.9. I may or may not have chosen him just so I can include the following picture.

Dion and Henry Huge and Tiny.jpg

Randall Cobb – Jacob: Of course he did. Randall Fucking Cobb scored 30.2 points against the Bears in the miraculous comeback on Sunday night. Jacob could have started Mike Wallace who scored 0 points on Thursday, but that should never be considered because Cobb and Rodgers are intent on ruining our lives. It’s not like Cobb did anything special, because the Bears are intent on allowing him to be wide fucking open in the middle of the field when it matters most every time they play a competitive game. Cobb’s performance forced us Bears fans to relive this, and for that, he should burn in hell. That is all. Oh, and I still hate Chris Conte.

Worst Starts of Week 1:

Jay’s WR’s – Jay: I will typically reserve this article for individual players, but this was unbelievable for me. Jay had 7 WR’s on his roster in week 1. He decided to play Allen Robinson, Sterling Shepard, and Marquise Goodwin (who admittedly was hurt). There was no shame in doing this, except for the fact that all four of his receivers on the bench outscored all three of them. Seriously. There are 35 different combinations of players Jay could have chosen to play in his 3 WR slots and he literally picked the worst option.

LeGarrette Blount – Lopatin: The Skunk Titties had 4 players on his bench who all scored 0 points last week, and the only one who didn’t was a second defense. So you might be thinking how he couldn’t possibly have made a wrong decision on who to start and who to sit given that scenario. Well, you would be wrong. LeGarrette Blount literally had 4 carries for -3 yards, amounting to -.3 points. Lopatin would have been better playing any of his FOUR guys who scored ZERO points than start Blount. Now we understand why he had to pay so much keesh on the waiver wire.

Jimmy Graham and the Bears D – O’donnel: You know, I learned along time ago when I was playing for Cicero in the 1980’s that the Bears have an absolute fantastic defense, and I know football. That’s why it was absolutely insane for our new GM to play Jimmy Graham (2.8 points) against the Bears, and NOT start their D (13 points). He must not be aware that Khalil Mack plays for them. Or he must not be that big of a fan. I’m willing to bet he won’t make that same mistake again.

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CMS BoxMuncher, Do the Sanky Leg, Ermahgerd Dehrnerd, Everton Hawkeyes, Grand Rapids Chodes, Grand Rapids Skunk Titties, Hurricane Ditka, Jake From State Farm, Kooper's Klux Klan, Playoffs, Return of Simba, Return of the Dumb Bald Turkeys, Team Novack, The Dogs, Uncategorized

Playoff Watch: Week 10

Changes this week:

  • Carston and Visbara switched spots in the #4 and #5 spots.
  • Kanz has been officially eliminated from the playoffs.
  • Brett has clinched a playoff spot
  • Jay and Lopatin are still in it, but cannot afford another loss, and need lots of help.

**This is a Vin Scully approved bracket, nothing on this list is speculative. This is purely factual and is in no way predicting the end of season results (Because I just don’t understand why anyone would do that).

playoff-bracket-4

CMS BoxMuncher, Do the Sanky Leg, Ermahgerd Dehrnerd, Everton Hawkeyes, Grand Rapids Chodes, Grand Rapids Skunk Titties, Hurricane Ditka, Jake From State Farm, Kooper's Klux Klan, Playoffs, Return of Simba, Return of the Dumb Bald Turkeys, Uncategorized

Playoff Watch: Week 9

Changes this week:

  • Kamp and B. Dokk exchanged spots yet again.
  • A. Dokk jumped into the #3 spot and overtook the most points in the league.
  • The ever-changing first round bye in the ACT Bracket welcomed a new member, Lopatin’s injuries are starting to catch up to him.

**This is a Vin Scully approved bracket, nothing on this list is speculative. This is purely factual and is in no way predicting the end of season results (Because I just don’t understand why anyone would do that).

playoff-bracket-3

CMS BoxMuncher, Do the Sanky Leg, Ermahgerd Dehrnerd, Everton Hawkeyes, Grand Rapids Chodes, Grand Rapids Skunk Titties, Hurricane Ditka, Jake From State Farm, Kooper's Klux Klan, Playoffs, Return of Simba, Return of the Dumb Bald Turkeys, Team Novack, The Dogs

Playoff Watch: Week 8

Changes this week:

  • Visbara to the #3 Seed, Andy to the #4 Seed, Carston drops to #5.
  • Kamp and Ben switch playoff positions once again, this time, with the Hawkeyes entering the playoff picture.
  • Jacob falls to first round bye status in the ACT bowl with his recent slide, and wins by the Novacks.

**This is a Vin Scully approved bracket, nothing on this list is speculative. This is purely factual and is in no way predicting the end of season results (Because I just don’t understand why anyone would do that).

playoff-bracket-2

CMS BoxMuncher, Do the Sanky Leg, Ermahgerd Dehrnerd, Everton Hawkeyes, Grand Rapids Chodes, Grand Rapids Skunk Titties, Hurricane Ditka, Jake From State Farm, Kooper's Klux Klan, Playoffs, Return of Simba, Return of the Dumb Bald Turkeys, Team Novack, The Dogs

Playoff Watch: Week 7

Some minor changes took place after this week’s games.

  • Ben dropped all the way from first round bye to out of the playoffs after his porous performance in week 7. He hopes to rebound in Week 8 against current #3 seed Hurricane Ditka.
  • B’s jumps into first round bye territory as the leader in his division. Justin Tucker also took over as the league’s overall leading scorer.
  • CMS Boxmuncher entered the playoff picture with a big win over Kanz, with back to back wins, he hopes to continue this streak against Visbara next week.
  • Kanz and Jay switched spots in the ACT playoffs with Kanz falling to the #12 seed and earning himself a first round bye in a quest to improve on his ACT score from last season.

**This is a Vin Scully approved bracket, nothing on this list is speculative. This is purely factual and is in no way predicting the end of season results (Because I just don’t understand why anyone would do that).

playoff-bracket-1

CMS BoxMuncher, Do the Sanky Leg, Ermahgerd Dehrnerd, Everton Hawkeyes, Grand Rapids Chodes, Grand Rapids Skunk Titties, Hurricane Ditka, Jake From State Farm, Kooper's Klux Klan, Playoffs, Return of Simba, Return of the Dumb Bald Turkeys, Team Novack, The Dogs

Playoff Watch

It is about that time of the year, we are half way through the season, and it is time to start thinking about playoffs! Seeing as how everyone will be involved in some sort of playoffs, it is important to see how your team is doing in comparison to everyone else in the league. The playoff bracket as it currently stands is as follows.

**This is a Vin Scully approved bracket, nothing on this list is speculative. This is purely factual and is in no way predicting the end of season results (Because I just don’t understand why anyone would do that).

playoff-bracket

CMS BoxMuncher, Grand Rapids Chodes, Grand Rapids Skunk Titties, Hurricane Ditka, Kooper's Klux Klan, Return of Simba, Return of the Dumb Bald Turkeys, Team Novack, Waivers

Waiver Wire Roundup

 

This week was a big week on the waiver wire due to injuries to key players across the league. Add in the fact that there has been very little tight end production, and almost every team needed some help on the back end of their rosters. That is of course excluding Jay who’s team is so bad that he didn’t need any help. I am starting to think he is losing on purpose so he can show how smart he is on the ACT.

Quarterbacks: The first move was Kamp making the smart move of dropping the injured Jimmy Garoppolo for Ravens QB Joe Flacco. The only other QB transaction this week was Kamp proceeding to drop Flacco for Alex Smith. What a wild card that GM is.

Runningbacks: This was a disaster week for starting running backs throughout the league. Prominent backs like Adrian Peterson, Jonathan Stewart, Doug Martin and of course Danny Woodhead were hurt and are all expected to miss quite some time. Andy proceeded to take the first running back off the board with the now backup in Carolina with Fozzy Whitaker. With only Kenyan Drake, Matt Asiata and Dwayne Washington coming off of the board, many teams are going to need to find other alternatives to their running back problems.

Wide Receivers: Carston snagged Cole Beasley, and then dropped Beasley, who then was picked up by Bs who dropped Nelson Agholor (Christinia Aguilera) after he had picked Agholor up about 16 hours earlier. That is where we are in the league right now gentlemen. In other news, Kanz traded slot guys, picking up Jamison Crowder and dropping Eli Rogers.

Tight End: A lot of moves took place in the Tight End department during week 3. Kanz and Lopatin snagged the top options for the week by nabbing Falcons Tight End Jacob Tamme and the resurgent No-hippa Pitta. Carston took the third option in Steeler Outlaw Jesse James, and Visbara gave up on the Jimmy Graham project, if any one was interested in a guy with no knees.