Best/Worst Starts, CMS BoxMuncher, Everton Hawkeyes, Grand Rapids Skunk Titties, Jake From State Farm, Terra Verde, The Dogs, Week 1

Best and Worst Starts of Week 1

This weekly writeup is about those types of players who could have easily been on the bench, but played a critical role in a victory, or those that dropped an egg for a team when they could have really used a good performance. There will be no praising of Julio Jones’ 29 points because of course he was in for the Bald Turkeys. Nor will we include a guy like Greg Olsen for getting hurt. These are guys that are reasonably iffy starts, where either the right or wrong decisions were made. Here we go:

Best Starts of week 1:

Kenny Stills – Kamp: He may have only had 4 catches, but Kenny Stills still (pun intended) went for over 100 yards and two touchdowns on his way to 27.6 points. It is a little unfair since he had over 7 hours to achieve these goals, but I digress. Kamp could have started Jamison Crowder in his slot and no one would have blinked an eye, but since he made the right decision to start Stills, he had a much easier time convincing himself that Julio Jones doesn’t exist. Stills played well enough to get Kamp an early lead before Jacob’s improbable comeback (more on that later). We can safely assume that the Stills jersey is on his way to Holland as we speak.

Dion Lewis– Ben: Peyton Barber was the hot story heading into week one because Ronald Jones had quite possibly the worst preseason in the history of the NFL. Ben was able to avoid the temptation and play Dion Lewis, who was in a time share to start the year. He certainly could have dokk’d out on this one and made the wrong choice, but he stuck to his guns and Dion gained him 22 points compared to Barber’s 6.9. I may or may not have chosen him just so I can include the following picture.

Dion and Henry Huge and Tiny.jpg

Randall Cobb – Jacob: Of course he did. Randall Fucking Cobb scored 30.2 points against the Bears in the miraculous comeback on Sunday night. Jacob could have started Mike Wallace who scored 0 points on Thursday, but that should never be considered because Cobb and Rodgers are intent on ruining our lives. It’s not like Cobb did anything special, because the Bears are intent on allowing him to be wide fucking open in the middle of the field when it matters most every time they play a competitive game. Cobb’s performance forced us Bears fans to relive this, and for that, he should burn in hell. That is all. Oh, and I still hate Chris Conte.

Worst Starts of Week 1:

Jay’s WR’s – Jay: I will typically reserve this article for individual players, but this was unbelievable for me. Jay had 7 WR’s on his roster in week 1. He decided to play Allen Robinson, Sterling Shepard, and Marquise Goodwin (who admittedly was hurt). There was no shame in doing this, except for the fact that all four of his receivers on the bench outscored all three of them. Seriously. There are 35 different combinations of players Jay could have chosen to play in his 3 WR slots and he literally picked the worst option.

LeGarrette Blount – Lopatin: The Skunk Titties had 4 players on his bench who all scored 0 points last week, and the only one who didn’t was a second defense. So you might be thinking how he couldn’t possibly have made a wrong decision on who to start and who to sit given that scenario. Well, you would be wrong. LeGarrette Blount literally had 4 carries for -3 yards, amounting to -.3 points. Lopatin would have been better playing any of his FOUR guys who scored ZERO points than start Blount. Now we understand why he had to pay so much keesh on the waiver wire.

Jimmy Graham and the Bears D – O’donnel: You know, I learned along time ago when I was playing for Cicero in the 1980’s that the Bears have an absolute fantastic defense, and I know football. That’s why it was absolutely insane for our new GM to play Jimmy Graham (2.8 points) against the Bears, and NOT start their D (13 points). He must not be aware that Khalil Mack plays for them. Or he must not be that big of a fan. I’m willing to bet he won’t make that same mistake again.

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CMS BoxMuncher, Do the Sanky Leg, Ermahgerd Dehrnerd, Everton Hawkeyes, Grand Rapids Chodes, Grand Rapids Skunk Titties, Hurricane Ditka, Jake From State Farm, Kooper's Klux Klan, Playoffs, Return of Simba, Return of the Dumb Bald Turkeys, Team Novack, The Dogs, Uncategorized

Playoff Watch: Week 10

Changes this week:

  • Carston and Visbara switched spots in the #4 and #5 spots.
  • Kanz has been officially eliminated from the playoffs.
  • Brett has clinched a playoff spot
  • Jay and Lopatin are still in it, but cannot afford another loss, and need lots of help.

**This is a Vin Scully approved bracket, nothing on this list is speculative. This is purely factual and is in no way predicting the end of season results (Because I just don’t understand why anyone would do that).

playoff-bracket-4

CMS BoxMuncher, Do the Sanky Leg, Ermahgerd Dehrnerd, Everton Hawkeyes, Grand Rapids Chodes, Grand Rapids Skunk Titties, Hurricane Ditka, Jake From State Farm, Kooper's Klux Klan, Playoffs, Return of Simba, Return of the Dumb Bald Turkeys, Uncategorized

Playoff Watch: Week 9

Changes this week:

  • Kamp and B. Dokk exchanged spots yet again.
  • A. Dokk jumped into the #3 spot and overtook the most points in the league.
  • The ever-changing first round bye in the ACT Bracket welcomed a new member, Lopatin’s injuries are starting to catch up to him.

**This is a Vin Scully approved bracket, nothing on this list is speculative. This is purely factual and is in no way predicting the end of season results (Because I just don’t understand why anyone would do that).

playoff-bracket-3

CMS BoxMuncher, Do the Sanky Leg, Ermahgerd Dehrnerd, Everton Hawkeyes, Grand Rapids Chodes, Grand Rapids Skunk Titties, Hurricane Ditka, Jake From State Farm, Kooper's Klux Klan, Playoffs, Return of Simba, Return of the Dumb Bald Turkeys, Team Novack, The Dogs

Playoff Watch: Week 8

Changes this week:

  • Visbara to the #3 Seed, Andy to the #4 Seed, Carston drops to #5.
  • Kamp and Ben switch playoff positions once again, this time, with the Hawkeyes entering the playoff picture.
  • Jacob falls to first round bye status in the ACT bowl with his recent slide, and wins by the Novacks.

**This is a Vin Scully approved bracket, nothing on this list is speculative. This is purely factual and is in no way predicting the end of season results (Because I just don’t understand why anyone would do that).

playoff-bracket-2

CMS BoxMuncher, Do the Sanky Leg, Ermahgerd Dehrnerd, Everton Hawkeyes, Grand Rapids Chodes, Grand Rapids Skunk Titties, Hurricane Ditka, Jake From State Farm, Kooper's Klux Klan, Playoffs, Return of Simba, Return of the Dumb Bald Turkeys, Team Novack, The Dogs

Playoff Watch: Week 7

Some minor changes took place after this week’s games.

  • Ben dropped all the way from first round bye to out of the playoffs after his porous performance in week 7. He hopes to rebound in Week 8 against current #3 seed Hurricane Ditka.
  • B’s jumps into first round bye territory as the leader in his division. Justin Tucker also took over as the league’s overall leading scorer.
  • CMS Boxmuncher entered the playoff picture with a big win over Kanz, with back to back wins, he hopes to continue this streak against Visbara next week.
  • Kanz and Jay switched spots in the ACT playoffs with Kanz falling to the #12 seed and earning himself a first round bye in a quest to improve on his ACT score from last season.

**This is a Vin Scully approved bracket, nothing on this list is speculative. This is purely factual and is in no way predicting the end of season results (Because I just don’t understand why anyone would do that).

playoff-bracket-1

CMS BoxMuncher, Do the Sanky Leg, Ermahgerd Dehrnerd, Everton Hawkeyes, Grand Rapids Chodes, Grand Rapids Skunk Titties, Hurricane Ditka, Jake From State Farm, Kooper's Klux Klan, Playoffs, Return of Simba, Return of the Dumb Bald Turkeys, Team Novack, The Dogs

Playoff Watch

It is about that time of the year, we are half way through the season, and it is time to start thinking about playoffs! Seeing as how everyone will be involved in some sort of playoffs, it is important to see how your team is doing in comparison to everyone else in the league. The playoff bracket as it currently stands is as follows.

**This is a Vin Scully approved bracket, nothing on this list is speculative. This is purely factual and is in no way predicting the end of season results (Because I just don’t understand why anyone would do that).

playoff-bracket

CMS BoxMuncher, Jake From State Farm, Uncategorized

Week 6 Game of the Week

kamp-and-jacob

Childhood Rivals

Obviously, a matchup between 5-0 Visbara and red-hot Andy should be match of the week, but with both having been involved in this column in recent weeks and the Mike vs. Brett matchup looming in week 7, I chose to pull a Monday Night Football and schedule the second best game for matchup of the week. This one should be no slouch though as two childhood rivals face off in their first ever fantasy football matchup. Jake from State Farm is rolling with dominating wins of Lopatin and Kanz in back to back weeks, and if you ask GM Jordan Kamphuis about CMS BoxMuncher (I still can’t believe that is an actual team name), you would think they are undefeated. In actuality, both teams are 2-3, but are tied for first in their division (sigh…).

Key Matchup: What more could you want in a matchup than the #1 overall pick and #1 WR Antonio Brown going against the #2 overall pick and #8 WR in Julio Jones. Pre-draft, GM Jacob Lee was debating between the two superstar receivers, if he had gone the other direction and chosen Jones, there would be an awkward moment for Kamp with his Julio jersey (maybe you’ve heard about it). If either of these receivers can explode for 35+ points which they are certainly capable of, that could go along way towards winning the very important matchup.

Jacob should worry if: Running back LeGarette Blount falls back into his typical slump when Tom Brady plays. In the 4 games that Brady was suspended for to start the season, Blount averaged 88 yards a game and had 4 touchdowns, and proved to be a viable asset for JFSF. But in past years, Blount’s performance has been dicey at best when Brady has been in the lineup due to their “run through the air” philosophy. In the 12 games Blount played in 2015 with Brady, only 2 of those weeks did he eclipse that 88 yards mark, and only scored in 4 of the 12 games. For Jake’s sake, he hopes Blount has turned over a new leaf in 2016.

Kamp should worry if: His running-backs are a no show in week 6. Eddie Lacy is hurt, and has only gotten over 10 fantasy points once this season. Terrance West has played well since taking over as the workhorse back in Baltimore, but many believe the rookie Kenneth Dixon is poised to take some of the work in the near future. And Ryan Matthews has performed well, but is in a time share with 3 other backs in Philadelphia, so who knows how much work he will get. This running back core will make or break CMS Boxmuncher’s week against Jake from State Farm.

Jacob will grin to a point of awkwardness if: The New Orleans defense continues to be historically awful. With stud Receiver Kelvin Benjamin going against the Saints this week, there is potential for a career game which would be so instrumental for GM Lee. New Orleans has given up an average of 18.7 points to an opposing wide receiver this season, and with Benjamin being the only receiver in town for Carolina, this is a perfect storm for another breakout game.

Kamp will grin to a point of awkwardness if: The game in Seattle between the Seahawks and the Hawks ( Kamp refuses to learn that Atlanta is actually the Falcons even though he has a jersey of theirs) turns out to be a shootout. With the star receiver for both teams on CMS Box Muncher, a shootout would be ideal for Kamp as it would create the potential for great games for both Julio Jones and Doug Baldwin.

The part where I predict exactly what the Projection says: Jake wins 153-141.