Best/Worst Starts, CMS BoxMuncher, Everton Hawkeyes, Grand Rapids Skunk Titties, Jake From State Farm, Terra Verde, The Dogs, Week 1

Best and Worst Starts of Week 1

This weekly writeup is about those types of players who could have easily been on the bench, but played a critical role in a victory, or those that dropped an egg for a team when they could have really used a good performance. There will be no praising of Julio Jones’ 29 points because of course he was in for the Bald Turkeys. Nor will we include a guy like Greg Olsen for getting hurt. These are guys that are reasonably iffy starts, where either the right or wrong decisions were made. Here we go:

Best Starts of week 1:

Kenny Stills – Kamp: He may have only had 4 catches, but Kenny Stills still (pun intended) went for over 100 yards and two touchdowns on his way to 27.6 points. It is a little unfair since he had over 7 hours to achieve these goals, but I digress. Kamp could have started Jamison Crowder in his slot and no one would have blinked an eye, but since he made the right decision to start Stills, he had a much easier time convincing himself that Julio Jones doesn’t exist. Stills played well enough to get Kamp an early lead before Jacob’s improbable comeback (more on that later). We can safely assume that the Stills jersey is on his way to Holland as we speak.

Dion Lewis– Ben: Peyton Barber was the hot story heading into week one because Ronald Jones had quite possibly the worst preseason in the history of the NFL. Ben was able to avoid the temptation and play Dion Lewis, who was in a time share to start the year. He certainly could have dokk’d out on this one and made the wrong choice, but he stuck to his guns and Dion gained him 22 points compared to Barber’s 6.9. I may or may not have chosen him just so I can include the following picture.

Dion and Henry Huge and Tiny.jpg

Randall Cobb – Jacob: Of course he did. Randall Fucking Cobb scored 30.2 points against the Bears in the miraculous comeback on Sunday night. Jacob could have started Mike Wallace who scored 0 points on Thursday, but that should never be considered because Cobb and Rodgers are intent on ruining our lives. It’s not like Cobb did anything special, because the Bears are intent on allowing him to be wide fucking open in the middle of the field when it matters most every time they play a competitive game. Cobb’s performance forced us Bears fans to relive this, and for that, he should burn in hell. That is all. Oh, and I still hate Chris Conte.

Worst Starts of Week 1:

Jay’s WR’s – Jay: I will typically reserve this article for individual players, but this was unbelievable for me. Jay had 7 WR’s on his roster in week 1. He decided to play Allen Robinson, Sterling Shepard, and Marquise Goodwin (who admittedly was hurt). There was no shame in doing this, except for the fact that all four of his receivers on the bench outscored all three of them. Seriously. There are 35 different combinations of players Jay could have chosen to play in his 3 WR slots and he literally picked the worst option.

LeGarrette Blount – Lopatin: The Skunk Titties had 4 players on his bench who all scored 0 points last week, and the only one who didn’t was a second defense. So you might be thinking how he couldn’t possibly have made a wrong decision on who to start and who to sit given that scenario. Well, you would be wrong. LeGarrette Blount literally had 4 carries for -3 yards, amounting to -.3 points. Lopatin would have been better playing any of his FOUR guys who scored ZERO points than start Blount. Now we understand why he had to pay so much keesh on the waiver wire.

Jimmy Graham and the Bears D – O’donnel: You know, I learned along time ago when I was playing for Cicero in the 1980’s that the Bears have an absolute fantastic defense, and I know football. That’s why it was absolutely insane for our new GM to play Jimmy Graham (2.8 points) against the Bears, and NOT start their D (13 points). He must not be aware that Khalil Mack plays for them. Or he must not be that big of a fan. I’m willing to bet he won’t make that same mistake again.


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