Power Rankings, Uncategorized

Week 5 Power Rankings

Beerio Kart

Fantasy football and Beerio Kart clearly are more similar than they are not. They are both what you would think just should friendly competitions but in reality are the greatest of competitions that truly measure the value, strength, and greatness of a man.
Just like in beerio kart though, there seems to be only 4 players playing in this league.

1. Demarco Depolo – Royal Raceway

The best race of them all compares greatly to Depolo. It requires skill, thought, and a little luck to be the best at. Depolo has all three going for it right now. The skill to pickup Stafford and luck, the thought of starting Jeremy frickin kerley, and the luck of getting demarco in like the 8th round. This race is always built around the final jump and drifting through the last couple turns. For Polo, that is the playoffs games they are just dying to play in. Anything short of a lightning bolt(lack of WR play) wont stop this team.
Depolo getting some heat for the top spot, but still continues to produce and keeps the top spot.
2. Return of Simba –  DK’s Jungle

The similar just a little less exciting DK Jungle takes the number 2 spot. DKs jungle also has a big jump, some key drifting, and a dark cave where the true champions make moves.
There is no real short cuts on this race, you just have to be a complete racer to do well here. Simba seems to be a complete team, clicking on all cylinders right now. Simba is excited to go into a first lap cave in week 7 and come out as top team in the league.

3. GR Chodes – Wario Stadium

Just like the chodes, Wario Stadium is long and big and dark. This race was underrated B in the D but now, just like the chodes, is considered a favorite. The key to this race is snagging that lightning bolt early and holding the power. The chodes seem to have done that with Matty Ice and Zeke. Unfortunately for the chodes, the team right behind them is the items bitch of all items bitches. Look out for a ghost or even a first place star.

4. Hurricane Ditka – Boswer’s Castle

Just like Boswer’s Castle, Hurricane Ditka is a handful if you aren’t ready for it. Its the last race in the best of all the circuits. Just like for Hurricane it was important to get off to a hot start here as coming back is almost impossible. There are a few places to trip up but it usually comes down to the best 2 races around the final loop. We know Ditka is confident. Just not sure what they are more confident in.
5. Jake From State Farm-  Koopas Beach

Koopas Beach is the kind of place where you can start slow but quickly get back in the race.
That is exactly was JRSF has done this year. In almost no time, the Farm has gone from a winless team to one win away from a first round bye. JFST got blessed with 3 mushrooms of A brown, derrick carr, and Kelvin Benjamin. They look to use them all and grab first place.

6. Justin Tucker – Kalahari Desert

You know what it is. Very easy comparison here. Its the type of race that doesn’t really matter how you start but how you finish. The key here is just not getting to far out of the lead for the last lap. JT got through the tough part of playing with Brady and Gronk and will now be looking to use his late star and lightning bolt to sneak in and grab a first bye per usual. Just need to watch and make sure they drink all their beer.

7. Everton Hawkeyes – Sherbet Land

Sherbet land plays the role of underrated just as the hawkeyes are right now. These teams are both defined as penguins defending there cave. For Everton, this is clearly a metaphor for the WRs needing to carry the team and protect the playoff berth. For sherbet land it is quite literally penguins sliding across the entrance of the cave to protect their fellow penguins who are very busy walking around continuously walking around ice posts. Big dumb stupid penguins.

8. GR Titty Skunks – Luigi Raceway

The first race of the game compares greatly to the new team on the block. It looks like a simple easy race, when in reality the best of strategies need to be used to be successful.
Luigi Raceway defines what kind of racer you are going to be. For the skunks right now they are looking like a resilient team that can bounce back from the worst of loses. They will be looking for their star in the tunnel to sneak in a grab first place. The skunks seem to have so much confidence they are willing to fire their green shells in the tunnel. Why? Because shooters shoot.

9. CMS Box Muncher – Yoshi Valley

What place are you in? Good team or bad team? Julio or Baby Julio? Confusing or Confucius? Yoshi valley and CMS box muncher both give more questions than answers at this point. We won’t really know til the end. But in the meantime, its a hell of a time and very fun to watch.
10. Emhagerd Dehnerd – Rainbow Road

ED went for the shortcut on the first lap and missed miserably. Luckily Denherd still has 2 more laps to get back in the race. But if Derherd cant stick the big jump like the teams owner can hammered, twice in a row, while on the phone, than they will be in for a long, boring, miserable year of constantly getting eaten by chomper and getting useless red shells in last place while no one is in reach.

11. DBT – Chaco Taco

Ah Chaco Taco. An old time favorite. Maybe because it is named after a great ice cream truck treat or maybe because it happens during an exhilarating boulder slide. Its a race you used to think was fun until you constantly lose over and over again until you literally can’t race anymore. But eventually you will get that win. Its almost impossible not too.
And after you get that huge inspirational win you realize, Chaco Taco still isnt really that good of a race.
12. The Dogs – Toads Turnpike

The worst of them all. Just not a fun race at all and even less fun if you suck at it. Getting behind here is deadly as it is almost to impossible to amount any kind of comeback.
The only chance for the Dogs is a flawless last two laps and everyone else racing to just constantly get ran over by cars over and over and over again. Too bad this league is not full of ameratuer. But for now, it looks like the dogs are the only ones getting run over.


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