As week 5 concludes, the league still has yet to take much shape. Below are the Couches Elite Official Stats to date by team. Follow along as I make some scientific as fuck conclusions.
Point Breakdown by Week & Team
Records if Everybody Played Everybody Each Week
Now that we’re five weeks in, we’re starting to see who the good teams are, teams who have had fluky weeks, and the teams that desperately need to do something or else they may die.
- The Dogs are struggling
Above: Fantasy Owner Justin Novack stuck in a swing after drinking heavily while watching his team this season.
The Puppies have really struggled to muster up much fight so far this season. If they played everybody every week, they’d have three wins. And fucking 52 losses. If this team wasn’t the puppies I’d think our whole league beating up his team. But Puppies are great and hopefully his team can grow into dogs soon otherwise they may have a standardized test at obedience school in the near future.
2. DePolo’s are good
Pictured: Owner Brett Reardon’s professional headshot. Source: LinkedIn
His team would be 42-13. Averaging 2 points better per week, but adjusted average of 9 points higher than second place. This dynasty is in good shape for the future.
3. Simba has Returned
Above: Owner Mike “Viz” Visbara flexing on some hoes.
Simba. 5-0. He’s a grown-ass lion. Detroit could use him. With a big win in the spotlight this week, Simba has another marquee match-up against the Red-Hot Chodes. The Chodes and Justin Tucker are the only two teams who would have winning records against Simba.
We’ll see if the league can take a little more shape this week with some crucial match ups ahead. Good luck this week (except for Kyle).