So while we are all very in to fantasy football and the corresponding greatest 7 hours of commercial free coverage of Redzone on Sunday, there are actual NFL teams playing actual NFL games that matter almost as much as our weekly matchups. And in this crazy NFL they actually root for their whole team to due well and not just their QB to throw TDs(as long as he is not throwing to a specific receiver on the opposing fantasy team) and not INTs (unless its your Dfense and they return it for a touchdown). So heres to comparing NFL teams to actual teams that mean something.
- Demarco Depolo – Minnesota Vikings
The Vikings and Depolo are both very well known for there crazy old days. One had two stud receivers who had huge personalities and fake mooned the crowd while the latter peed in public while walking, blacked out frequently, and actually mooned the crowd while doing a naked lap (and giving high fives). But now both the Vikings and Depolo are both sophisticated teams with stud running backs and a classy guy leading up the squad. Both continue to stay undefeated and looking the part the cement their place on top. But man do we sometimes miss those Randy Moss days.
2. Return of Simba – Philadelphia Eaglets.
The Eaglets and Simba are really starting to grow up. Both are led by rookie qbs and young exiting WRs. Simba and the Eaglets are both teams we keep expecting to lose but just don’t. While the Eagles weren’t in the super bowl like last year, one specific owner in our league believes they should have been. Simba and Philly will run into a little adversity when Romo comes back into play, but until then Simba looks like a top notch team.
3. Hurricane Ditka – Daaaaa Broncos
Why the Broncos? Because Hurricane is the last undefeated team and so are the Broncos. Not that hard to figure out. But why they are similar….. Because they both won it all last year. Im just kidding…… I have no idea who won the super bowl last year (I pulled an old school Depolo at halftime for those that weren’t there). But I do know Hurricane did not get a sniff of it. But this year could be different. The Broncos are again looking like super bowl contender and Ditka has a complete team ready to compete for that beautiful trophy. And they both have Demarius Thomas.
4. Grand Rapids Chodes – Hotlanta Falcons
Just like the High Flying Falcons, the Small Chubby Chodes are putting up huge offensive numbers. Both these teams were somewhat disappointing last year even with big time players, but now both squads have seemed to turn it around. Only problem for the Chodes in no Julio, but Matt Ryan does have jordy and crabtree to throw too for the chodes. The falcons logo is a whole lot less disturbing to look at than the chodes though. Honestly just stare at it for 10 seconds, its super distrubing.
5. Justin Tucker – Dallas Cowboys
Now the patriots would have easy comparison, Brady, Gronk… JT does not have Belicick coaching it. No JT has more of a big ego, old school, difficult owner like Jerry Jones. But both Jerry and Justin have very good teams this year. Both teams have done well with there backup QBs and are certainly making their owners wonder if they need their starting QB back or if it will mess up the current team chemistry. Maybe both owners should consider trading their QBs. Just food for thought.
6. CMS Box Muncher – LA Rams
LA is basically an expansion team like CMS and some how both have got off the great starts even with terrible first games and horrid QB play. Its hard to keep discounting them as both seem to have some sort of destiny around them. Ok im tired of talking about the rams. Julio Julio Juilo Juilo Juilo Julio Julio Juilo Juilo Juilo Julio Julio Juilo Juilo Juilo Julio Julio Juilo Juilo Juilo Julio Julio Juilo Juilo Juilo Julio Julio Juilo Juilo Juilo Julio Julio Juilo Juilo Juilo Julio Julio Juilo Juilo Juilo. Ok thats better. 50 points. What a stud. CMS better give a huge shout out to these power rankings for calling out Julio last week and awakening the beast.
7. Jake From State Farm – Carolina Panthers
Now these were two teams that were actually in the finals last year. The Farm got to regain their star from last year and the Panthers got to bring back the leage MVP. Both were looking for similar years. But the Farm Panthers have gotten off to very uninspiring starts. It just seams like a matter of time until they wake up and return to last years form. But hopefully for JFSF they won’t have to do it without their star like the Panthers.
8. Emhagerd Dehnerd – Arizona Cardinals
Just like the Cardinals, ED was early Super Bowl Favorites after coming off disapointing playoff loses. But 1-3 starts have called for concern and questioning. The QBs are getting old have not been living up to what they need to be and the defense has been getting torched. But both have some wily verterans leading the WR core and great young RBs leading the team. It has to be just a matter of time until they turn it around. But if they don’t it will be a huge disappointment.
9. Everton Hawkeyes – Washington Redskins
Both Everton and the Skins took advantage of weak divisions last year to make the playoffs. This year has been a little tougher for each. Thats about all the similarities I got. They were the last playoff team to not look like a playoff team this year. The skins are doing it with a QB that can’t throw. The Hawkeyes are having huge disappointing weeks from the WRs that were studs to start. The hawkeyes are actually much more like the two teams they are named after. Unfortunately the Hawkeyes almost the same amount of losses as the Iowa brothern. But on a positive note they have one more win than the team they share a city with. And this is a valuable lesson in kicking someone while they are down.
10. Grand Rapids Skunk Titties – Detroit Skunk Titties
It pains me to write this one, but after the skunks first 2 loses how can you not see the comparison. The Titties owner is from a good sports town that makes the playoffs and actually wins championships. A lot of them. So it just seems right that by moving to Michigan, the Skunk Titties feel the pain all us Lions fans have felt for so long. Don’t worry Titties, you will become numb to it soon. Just give it time.
11. The Dogs – Tampa Bay Bucs
The Dogs, like the Bucs like to reminisce about there championship back in like 02. Ill give it to them, they were sick teams, Brooks, Sapp, Lynch, Barber, Keyshawn. But man we are a long time from that. Now both are bottom dwellers who can’t seem to bring back the good old days. They are also both led by very similiar outspoken QBs who give very inspirational speeches. Unfortunately Gruden is not coming back to save either of these teams. This is a sunken pirate ship.
12. Dumb Bald Turkeys – Cleveland
Easiest one of the day. Not even comparing them to just the Browns but the whole landfill of a city itself. Just a team that is very hard to look at. You almost start feeling bad for the place. Almost. They each have one championship built on a ton a disappointing and terrible seasons. Unlike the actual city though, Lebron James is not walking through the door to come save the Turkeys. These guys will be all gobbled up by Thanksgiving.